Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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