He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
