at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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