I think i peed on brittanys purse
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize