she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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