Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
