i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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