we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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