I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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