youre lurking in front of me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
