You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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