We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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