Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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