its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize