she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
