This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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