Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
