dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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