So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
