Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
