I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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