I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
