I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
