Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
