Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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