And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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