I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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