Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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