Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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