cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
