Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was like eating out sand paper
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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