guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
