Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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