my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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