hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
