DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
