Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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