I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
