Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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