24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A bitchslap is in order.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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