I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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