ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
