the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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