There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
