She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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