fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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