I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
