I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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