she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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