You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
