Don't EVER smell your tampon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
