Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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