I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
