I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
