I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
