Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
