it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
