The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
