What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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