Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
