You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
