last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
