He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
