My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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