I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize