I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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