i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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