I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
