I haven't been this sober since birth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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