I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
