She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize