3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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