So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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