a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
