He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
