Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
