theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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