too bad you live with your parents still
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
