Having a random hookup so left but love u
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
