We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
