Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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