this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
